Our town is named Athol butt we are not that

Our town is named Athol butt we are not that
We are surely not what we think below your hat
We are sick of being the butt of everyone’s jokes
We put our butt to better use ,we promise, blokes.

Athol, Mass., residents are sick and tired of people making fun of the town’s name.
Town selectmen wrote a letter of protest to Comcast SportsNet for putting an advertisement in area newspapers that read … “We can pronounce Worcester … without sounding like an Athol.”
Comcast quickly pulled the ad which appeared in the Boston Herald and other papers to promote Comcast’s regular sports analysis and interview programs.”
http://www.topix.net/news/weird/2008/03/athol-residents-tired-of-being-butt-of-jokes

You get banned from tennis if you grunt loudly in play

You get banned from tennis if you grunt loudly in play
For such noises distract the other players all day
Less distracting sounds like passing the wind seem okay.

Maria Sharapova has been criticized over her extremely loud grunting during play, but you can bet they won’t try this with a champion like her. A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the grunting noises she makes during play.
Lauryn Edwards was told last weekend that she could no longer play after an opposing player complained about her grunting”
http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/02/9-year-old-sharapova-wanna-be-banned.html

It is the plumbing problems that plague their performance

The Kiwis concerns are neither less libido nor lack of chance
It is the plumbing problems that plague their performance.

“Lack of sexual desire and infrequent intercourse are among the most common sexual problems experienced by New Zealanders, according to a new academic study.”

http://news.sbs.com.au/worldnewsaustralia/kiwis_seek_therapy_for_low_sexual_desire_541798

It is a foul and a dastardly act to leak before the Police Department

The cops are polite guys with a friendly public face
It is a dastardly act and is surely a cognizable case
If a guy chooses to leak right in front of their place.

“An apparently drunk man picked the wrong place to tinkle. Appleton, Wis. police arrested the man Friday afternoon after he reportedly relieved himself in front of the police department.”
http://wcbstv.com/watercooler/drunk.urination.police.2.662680.html

In our country we vacuum our underpants off and on

A vacuum cleaner is the most gorgeous thing in town
Its going is good and smooth ,under and down
In our country we vacuum our underpants off and on
It is a normal practice as you would have known.

A Polish worker had been caught in the act with a vacuum cleaner and when asked what he was doing with the machine ,he claimed that he was vacuuming his underpants, which was a normal practice in Poland.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/03/nhoover103.xml

The humbled lion now stands on the herald without its manhood

Women will have none of this male stuff on the herald
So there is now no penis in the lion’s loins, O my God
The humbled lion now stands without penis on the herald.

“Protests from female soldiers have led to the Swedish military removing the penis of a heraldic lion depicted on the Nordic Battlegroup’s coat of arms.
The armed forces agreed to emasculate the lion after a group of women from the rapid reaction force lodged a complaint to the European Court of Justice, Göteborgs-Posten reports.”

A she-goat is not acceptable looking to the gravity of the offence

The first lady Kibaki has whacked him allegedly
Nothing less than a he-goat and an apology
Is what the victim demands from the first family
A she-goat is not acceptable looking to the gravity.

“Amidst the political unrest that has ravaged Kenya, elders are demanding a goat from the President as compensation for an alleged assault by his wife.”

Gorski from Gliwice twice made guttural noises over the gherkin

Gorski from Gliwice spluttered over an ill-gotten gherkin
“I could not resist having a snack ,” the jerk said jerkin’ .

A burglar in Poland who stole a dozen jars of home-made pickles was caught after choking on his ill-gotten gherkins.
Piotr Gorski was found spluttering and blue in the face just two streets away from the crime scene.
Police had to hit him on the back to dislodge the vegetable before arresting him
Gorski, from Gliwice, said: ‘I just couldn’t resist having a quick snack.’

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=99014&in_page_id=2

A fling or two in office is a good thing

A fling or two in office is a good thing with rising productivity
It improves quality of output but sadly reduces overall quantity.

“HAVING an office romance IMPROVES your quality of work, a survey claims.
Researchers found the thrill of a fling “raised energy levels and led to better professional capacity”.
One in five people quizzed by Italian sexologist Serenella Salomoni admitted to an affair at work.
She said: “We discovered that people who had an office romance said they were happier, more energetic and more productive.”

You can now soar in the nude like an eagle

You can now fly in the nude in special nude flights
Like an eagle that soars up and up in dizzy heights
You can now feel the brisk breeze on your bare bum
The flights are pricier but you’ll thoroughly enjoy ‘em.

“German nudists will be delighted to know that they can now be nude at a higher altitude than ever before, as an airline launches special nude flights.

The flights of nakedness are a nostalgic throwback to the days of Communism in East Germany, when naturism was permitted and found widespread popularity. The company, OssiUrlaub.de, is specifically targeting former East Germans pining for their old, clothing-optional ways

But at around £372 (€499) for a trip between Erfurt in the south-east and Usedom in the Baltic Sea, the naked soaring will not be for everyone.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=87854&in_page_id=2