The soccer manager has his foot in the mouth, far away from the ball

The soccer manager shoots off mouth faster than his foot
His foot is often found in the mouth,instead of in his boot.

“LONDON (Reuters) - Former England soccer manager Steve McClaren fought off tough competition from U.S. President George W. Bush to win a dreaded “Foot in Mouth” award on Tuesday from the Plain English campaign.”

The cop is highly useful when you have no tissue

Friend,do not fret if you do not have a tissue
When you have a cop close by that is no big issue

DUNBAR, W.Va. - Sometimes you need a police officer; sometimes you need a tissue.
Confuse the two, and it could cost you. A woman in Charleston, West Virginia, is facing battery charges after allegedly wiping her nose on the back of a police officer’s shirt.”

He says he is alive but records speak otherwise

This Romanian man affirms he is alive but records say otherwise
The poor man is suffering from amnesia and is not speaking lies.

“A Romanian man was not allowed to renew his identity papers because official records said he had died eight years ago.

Gheorghe Stirbu, 61, was told a death certificate existed stating that he had died on March 3, 1999 from breathing difficulties and had been buried on March 22.

Mr Stirbu said he was not ill at the time, and the death certificate does not appear to be a case of mistaken identity. He now hopes to show a court that he is still alive, and finally get his official ID updated.”

She knocked him down with a spud

He called her a name,what a shame
She knocked him down with a spud
He fell down right there with a thud.

“Police were called to a house in the US after a woman knocked out her husband with a potato.She picked up the spud and threw it at him when he called her a rude name during a row in Nicholson, Georgia.”

You cannot take law into your hands

It is okay to slap a bottom or two
On the sidewalk or in the men’s loo
But police bottoms are another issue
You can’t take law in your hands for sure.

“A cheeky reveller who was caught red-handed slapping two New Zealand police officers on their backsides has been fined, police said Friday.

The prankster pounced on two uniformed officers as they patrolled the southern city of Christchurch and hit them hard on their bottoms with his open hands.

The officers were not amused and arrested Jonathan Berry, 24, as he attempted to run off after the incident, the Press newspaper said.”

This hilly fellow thought tying the knot was rather silly

Here was a centenarian bachelor who died recently, fresh as a lily
This hilly fellow thought all his life that tying the knot was rather silly.

“Kiev dpa) - A Ukrainian man, who had been considered to be world’s oldest person, has died aged 116, reports said Sunday. Nestor reportedly put his long life down to the fact that he had never been married.”