Mr.Panda is not impressed

Our friend Mr.Panda “cocked” his snook
At the zoo’s zany attempts at sleaze
And managed to pull a longish yawn
At the coquettish charms of his missees.

“Zoo keepers hope panda porn will get Chuang Chuang in the mood.The furry guy is spending his days in front of a big screen TV showing scenes of pandas mating.Officials at the Chiang Mai Zoo in northern Thailand are also putting Chuang Chuang on a diet. They fear he may be too hefty to make whoopie.
Chuang Chuang will be reunited with his partner in about a week. The zoo has kept them apart for months in hopes that sparks will fly when they get back together.”

http://strange.blosker.com/link/zoo-hopes-panda-porn-will-help-species-9284

He was merely calling his Dick ,Cheney

A man claimed to the police that he was Dick Cheney
Actually he was merely calling his Dick ,Cheney lovingly.

“A man was taken to Bridgeport Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation after he led authorities on a high-speed chase and then claimed to be Vice President Dick Cheney, police said.

John Spernak, 42, later admitted he wasn’t Cheney but said he was actually “Charlie’s Angels” star Jaclyn Smith, police said. He also claimed to be the husband of Paris Hilton’s sister.”

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2007/03/29/national/a125550D52.DTL&feed=rss.bondage

These bulbs fuse out too soon

Men are like lightbulbs that lose their tungstens too soon
Women want their irons red-hot ,not cool as the full moon.

“Eli Lilly & Co., maker of impotence drug Cialis, hopes that
Chinese couples who might resort to traditional aphrodisiacs or divorce
court to resolve sexual problems will seek marital bliss with its own
remedy.Since only one-third of those couples had thought about
seeking treatment, Lilly believes that efforts to boost awareness of
the problem would increase sales of Cialis, whose long-lasting effects
have given it the nickname “the weekender”.

“The drug is effective, because men are like light bulbs. They can be turned on and
off easily. Women are like irons, they need a long time to heat up, but
also a long time to cool down,” said psychologist Qiu Xiaolan, brought
in as part of Lilly’s media campaign to educate the public.”

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSSHA9658520070329?feedType=RSS

The loss of so much Victoria’s Secrets is difficult for a decent man to bear

The brazen thieves made off with $12000 underwear
That is too much of a loss for a decent man to bear.

Three brazen New Jersey shoplifters made off with nearly $US12,000 in women’s underwear by stuffing the goods into bags designed to foil anti-theft equipment at a Victoria’s Secret store while the shop was open for business.

Surveillance cameras captured two men and one woman jamming undergarments into large bags and walking past customers and staff into the Newport Centre Mall in Jersey City.

Police said the thieves took over $US6,900 in panties and more than $US4,900 in bras

They have adopted revolutionary teaching methods

The Albanian teachers ensure that their kids are not easily bored
Lessons on the birds and the bees are given behind the blackboard.

Four Albanian teachers have been censured for drunken and lewd behavior in a remote village school after they had sexual intercourse behind a classroom blackboard, local reports said Friday.
Reuters Oddly Enough

Some scoops are smelly

In a path-breaking survey she counted a hundred and eight poops
God ,these reporters go any smelly lengths to get their scoops.

Reporter Alison Stewart of the Powell Tribune proved this week she’s willing to go to great lengths to get the scoop.
She reported in Thursday’s edition that her recent survey of 3.6-acre Washington Park revealed at least 108 dog poop piles.

It is fun to spit through the car window

While driving do not hesitate to spit heartily through the car window
Only the subjects of your splash may want to make your wife a widow.

“What should a driver do when he needs to spit while driving? a, spit through the window; b, spit into a piece of waste paper, then put it in a garbage can; or c, spit on the floor of the vehicle?”)
(A question in the Chinese driving test -Nick Macafie courtesy :Oddly Enough in Reuters)

Her support cannot be taken for granted

The conservative MP’s wife appeared last night without a bra
We know where her leanings are without the support of lycra.

(The Conservative MP’s wife appeared without a bra at the Amazing Grace premiere in London last night. As a result she showed some distinctive leanings
The party leadership’s need for direction aside, surely this was a bit racy for a Conservative MP’s wife?)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=443579&in_page_id=1770

Use your piss please

If hard up on cash but bright in science and logic
You can,with your piss, power your battery like magic
And blissfully enjoy ninety minutes of pissful music.

(Battery Passes Urine Test, Running 90 Minutes On Pee

“Who knew you could use urine to power a battery? The Pee Battery uses the ions in human urine to keep 1.5 volts streaming for 90 minutes, and its makers say it can be tweaked to last even longer. They’re even saying that all other bodily fluids work equally well. Sounds like an unpleasant way to get that iPod working again.”)

Beware of unsolicted hugs in Buffalo

There was a woman in Buffalo who would envelop you in her loving hug
Making you feel heavenly light in the depth of your pockets and mug.

( Gentlemen, consider yourselves warned. The “Hugging Bandit” is on the loose.
That warning comes from police in Buffalo, New York, where they’re seeing a rash of robberies believed to be the work of the same woman.

Investigators say she targets men coming out of bars in the wee hours, who are really — really –drunk.

According to police, the woman comes up, tries to talk to the victims, then gives them a hug — during which she lifts their wallets.

Officers know of dozens of victims, and believe there are others too embarrassed to say anything.”)