This daddy is hot

While the whole family was sick and and little Tom ached all over
The daddy has got hot and the sonny’s vowels have come off loose.

(Excuse letter from home

Maryann was absent December 11 - 16 because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. (Excuse me? The family’s all sick and daddy’s still… oh well…)

We decorate your interior

We do all kinds of dick painting and other interior decoration
Guaranteed to enhance your partner’s aesthetic satisfaction.

(An advertisement for home improvement:

“C G Dick Painting has provided high quality wall covering and painting expertise for the last 26 years to Columbia County, New York residences. Owners Craig and Victoria Dick are members of the National Guild of Professional Paperhangers, offering our customers with the best in training, installations, and product selections for your interior wall needs.)

Wife-carrying is no doubt a lot of fun unless she is a Sumo wrestler

A certain Estonian athlete wanted to be the greatest wife-carrier
Alas,carrying his Sumo wife was tougher than the life of a Viking warrior.

(Estonian “athlete” Margo Uusorg is probably the world’s greatest wife carrier. At the annual Wife Carrying World Championship in Sonkajärvi, Finland (where first prize is the wife’s weight in beer!), Uusorg has emerged victorious five out of the past seven years (his brother Madis won in 2004) .

Mental_Floss blogs

With an ignoranus the sarchasm will widen

Dealing with an ignoranus will increase sarchasm quickly
And you withdraw your willy effectively nilly and really silly.

(The Washington Post’s Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Some hilarious ones are as follows :

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an arse.
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent….”

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/3830

The world is their loo

Men are happier than women because the world is their loo
And when they belch they can beat Beethoven black and blue.

(Why Men Are Happier Than Women

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
4. We can be president.
5. The world is our urinal.
6. Same work, more pay.
7. Wrinkles add character.
8. People never stare at our chest when we’re talking to them.
9. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.”)

http://www.davesdaily.com/funpages.htm

Mr.Clinton is good at playing his instrument

Mr.Clinton was so good at playing his sax and so full of charm
Housewives and aunties have voted him this year’s most garam.

(In Vibbe India’s inaugural poll, former US president Bill Clinton was voted 2006’s “Most Garam” ( hottest) by housewives, aunties and female socialites in India. Mr. Clinton’s popularity is of no surprise to Indian observers who point to his obvious traits - a winning smile, flowing locks and sex appeal)

Know your commas and full-stops

 Newspaper headline:

Dr.Rutherford talked about sex with the newspaper editor 

 

The good doctor talked about sex with the editor
Actually,his morals were not lax, only the syntax.